[	mood	|	dirty	]
[	music	|	Spineshank-Beginnin of the end	]

Oh hell...its wednesday n i hav NOT ONE PENNY in the bank for the next TWO weekends due to stupid holiday pay system n the fact that I've been on a major drinkin binge for the past well...since they put more 400 n odd quid in my bank last week...i hav no will power god damn it

bollocks bollocks bollocks

I've spent 100 quid on monday n tuesday just goin out drinkin...the hatred i feel 2wards myself right now tut im a disgrace

i refuse 2 go out 2nite but 2morrow however LOTS OF EXTRA CHEAP ALCOHOL @ THE CELLAR YEY!!! sum sort of thing goin on there 2moz nite with sum gud bands n fit ppl n alcohol...sounds like fun fun fun

i need money...dont no how i can acumulate so much in so lil time i need a bloody miracle...o well...im sure il find sum way

HA forgot...im not the only idiot i know whos drank poppers lol so has crazy south african jeff..altho he 'wanted' 2 drink it n put it in his eye n fuk he has done sum weird weird stuff he well corrupted my innocent mind ...my god the things them lot have taken n done n stuff i really dont no how they r alive...myb the plans of hangin around with them is a dangerous idea lol yey sounds like fun.

luv u n leave ya i need sleep sleep sleep xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sumthin i learned that i thought id share... supposidly... snortin E's n then havin acid 5 minutes later is sooooo gud mmm

[	mood	|	crazy	]
[	music	|	Rhythm is a dancer	]

Hi darlins

well i hav had the best 2 days. me n the rohan went in2 town on monday 4 a 'while' just 2 mong about n pass the boredom n i saw the darlin byron who needed a drinkin partner (it was 12.30 in the afternoon hmm) so i didnt take much persuadin n ended up in bar ibiza. me n rohan were gettin orange cordial n byron got a pint so i changed my mind n ordered a pint of cider.

Byron danced loads n i laughed 4 way 2 long..rohan went home n left the 2 drunkerds 2 down more alcohol, sing, dance n laugh while men havin a mid life crisis looked on in disgust @ the puff n the crazy girl lol by 4pm im ashamed 2 say i was pissd. met up with sum ppl includin the darlin ruth, went farmfood shoppin 4 the flat..me n byron went in2 morrisons n bought 6litres of cider, a bottle of vodka n 3 bottles of coke went 2 his n richards n got absolutely fuk faced. richard n bryan came home n were really tired from work so @ 8pm we dragged (ok ppl kinda practically carried me) richard n bryan out 2 get drunk YEY! it was pissin it down AND i was wearin casual clothes SHOCK SHOCK HORROR (only few will get that) but i didnt care cos i was so drunk i dont even remember arrivin @ vies. woke up in a strange bed with my clothes arranged v.inappropriately n feelin like shit..didnt know were the hell i was until byron appeared also hungova...ppl went 2 work n left me n byron in bed half dead.

we monged in2 town n i rang my mum 2 point out that i was infact alive. we went 2 church street were sum wanker threw condoms full of water @ us all & a huge group of v.angry moshers n goths ran after them but they got away then the police moved us so me n byron went in The Sun pub n drank alcohol, broke the jukebox danced n made fools out of ourselves. met a lovely girl called laura who invited me n byron 2 hers 4 the nite so we went with another 6 litres of cider n got v.v.v.drunk n had a VERY interestin conversation mainly about sex sex sex guys sex sex n errrr sex. wow lets say that there r sum things i now know that will shock hehehe we then watched 13 ghosts with me n byron hidin under a blanket but he kept movin it cos hes evil n wanted me 2 b scared...then laura went 2 bed n me n byron got the double bed which was sooo comfy i did not want 2 get up this mornin. byron was tryin 2 make me drink cider while we were still in bed the fool so i crawled home cos i need food as i havnt eatin in 2 days just consumed a million calories that is cider...me n byrons healthy diet lol

well im gonna go sunbathe n see if byrons gettin drunk cos i think il join him

luv u n leave ya xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Howdie ppl

Well last week was a bunch of laughs...not. Decided i did NOT want 2 eva move 2 france. The language pisses me off, it's 2 hot...err well ok the main reason is that i cant live without my friends...n generally the ppl i know as well. i didnt drink a drop of alcohol for the whole week which was soooo gud of me. im thinkin thats y i got pretty drunk quickly @ rohans on sat.

Saturday was sooo gud...my dad dropped me off directly from the airport @ hayleys shop...i was so happy 2 see her i cant even explain. only 1 week away n it felt like a month. my friends mean so much id die without them. they tell me wen im bein a fool (2 often il add lol), they make me happy, happier than ne guy cos i know they will always be there. Hayley informed me i looked happy n healthy hehehe i obviously looked like shit n depressed b4 hand...well ok il agree that it is totally the alcohols fault lol Went WHSmiths n saw emma...who i missd loads...then went to Superdrug by which time i had a huge smile on my face n practically jumped on rohan i was so happy 2 c her. so yeh then i just monged about n saw ppl i had tryed n failed 2 forget....but I DONT GIVE A SHIT NEMORE hehehehe as i pointed out quite a lot on saturday nite as alana will know lol

Went to rohans 4 her birthday ahh 1 year ago...the memories...neway...colin n emma were there wen me n hailz arrived. we had fun with me n rohan tryin 2 finish a bottle of wine n 2 litres of cider...quite imposs. as my stomach appeared 2 want 2 automatically reject it lol got quite drunk n me & rohans mum n dad had a embarrassin conv. about france where i kept accidently swearin n bein a fool. turned round n figured that every1 was laughin @ me so we left swiftly. the darlin colin gave us drunken fools a lift 2 the cellar where me n emma attempted 2 b lesbians 2 avoid belle...yey im a bitch soooo...it didnt work...bought cheeky vimto which brings back hideous memories.

Outside cellar was pretty full yet full of strange ppl lol Paul apologised a lot for the other week n said he was ashamed n i said he had nothin 2 b sorry bout...so he went on bout i was 2 nice n i shud hate him cos he'd told me 2 stay away from guys like wat he had been like that friday or sumthin...i got confused lol me n hailz went 2 vies @ around 11 ish (get that..i wasnt there @ 10 lol). as we were walkin past the wonderful bar ibiza kaydee was walkin away from vies...i was messin bout in my purse attemptin 2 find money in my drunken state n hailz goes ''dont look up emma'' so i obv. v.quickly stare ahead..hm bad idea. well its ok cos he was leavin n goin whalley that nite so he'd ''txt me later'' hmm yeh. so started sayin outloud as i wlked away that i didnt give a shit which is tru so all was gud.

me n hayley had fun in vies dancin drinkin n meltin. i went 2 the bar n saw that the delightful kaydee was stood there...hmm yeh so he'd ''missed the bus n was pissd off cos he's sick of ppl lettin him down cos ppl owe him money n they aint given it 2 him'' (4 drugs il add)...hm sounds familiar.

yeh so ended up talkin 2 him all nite which was ok, i danced which ric which was fun- then he threw wkd all ova my head so my hair dreadlocked itself by the mornin, me n ste had aftershock (i neva learn) n i talked 2 sum ppl i dont normally really hav conversations with due 2 my drunkeness which was cool eg macky. so i had a really gud nite. missd loads of taxis cos i was gonna throw up...threw up...got with belle (b4 throwin up il add lol), then sat with kaydee on the pavement while he warned me away from belle....he's a dick, he's dirty blah blah blah/ that pissd me off.

then i woke up n i actually cant remember gettin home or fallin asleep or nethin...n get me..I DIDNT THROW UP IN THE MORNIN...also...none of us cryin, fell ova or threw up (only me throwin up a lil bit). so all in all was a brill day n nite.

so gonna get ready n head in2 town cos i hav a week off work so me n rohan r mongin in town. then god damn it shes goin a gig instead of vies 2nite with me tut tut tut...i wudnt normally mind but me emma n rohan THE MEMORIES GOD DAMN IT CHILDREN hehehe oh well neva mind me n hailz ul get wasted without ya lol

luv u n leave ya xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[	mood	|	crappy	]
[	music	|	Linkin Park - Crawlin	]

Hmm well last nite was crap...thursday n friday were gr8 tho so im just gonna keep that in my head wen im in PARIS 4 A WEEK!! nooo dont wanna go n im settin off in 5 minutes. me hangin with my family 4 a week is quite obviously gonna end in tears lol from more than 1 member.

Martins party was fun but i was sober n not in the party mood which sucked. vies was too hot n full of wankers lol some v.fit ppl also i must add.

gotta go c u in a week

luv u n leave ya xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[	mood	|	flirty	]
[	music	|	Linkin Park - Points of Authority	]

Well fun fun fun nite last nite. i thought it was sunday this morn cos  i hav got absolutely fuck faced 2 nites in a run...glad it was saturday tho...altho not glad bout bein majorly hungova.

last nite...went cellar and every single person i saw asked if id recovered..hmm slightly embarrassin. the stories ahhh i hang my head in shame...well until last nite lol had 1 absinthe n felt like i was bout 2 die no joke my bloody throat felt like it had closed up...im thinkin 4 shots in the same day is tooooo much 4 my body 2 hack.

went vies with the darlin haylosh n saw the wonderful *ahem* person that is kaydee who hugged me n asked if i was ok...then hugged me again n said with a sympathetic expression ''aww wat am i gonna do with ya darlin''. hmmm all i hav 2 say is PISS OFF!!! but i just smiled in a ladylike fashion n bit my tongue. aaron was gonna twat him until i persuaded him otherwise. danced like a fool n drank loads of alcohol had a lot of fun. me n  hayley sat nxt 2 kaydee (i was provin i dont turn in2 a wreck wen im around him). then haylosh god damn her went 2 the loo leavin me sat there like a fool. he repeatedly asked if i was ok ahhh y cant he just shut the fuck up. was told by many b4 that i deserve better...hm yeh k. so just repeated that 2 myself.

HA belle came over n then 4 the rest of the nite i just got with him but kaydee just sat there...i felt pretty stupid after but laughed also lol

iv decided belle is waaaay 2 decent for me...im scared of gettin involved with him cos i no il just end up hurtin him...he's soooo sweet n lovely...n i screw everythin up...

sat outside taxi place wasted but happy. that was until richard came up n slapped me then proceeded 2 shout bout me shaggin his ex's. er thanx darl. he was only jokin tho...thats ok then...hehehe NOT the slap hurt. then they allllll = richard,bryan,byron,hannah etc started goin on bout kaydee until i shouted ''if 1 more person mentions that bastards fukin name!!!'' hmmm then evri1 shut up cos i was ''pissd off with them  all'' er damn rite lol naaah not really i just dont wanna hear his name...n belle looked really awkward..then i got pissd off cos every1 @ the taxi place was havin a discussion bout whether or not i spit or swallow....how pleasant.

was in a happy mood 2day till i was in zodiac n kaydee txt me sayin ''yo em u looked like u were havin fun last nite. im glad ur ova me cos i dont like seein u cry it upsets me.if bells with ya tell him i need 2 talk 2 him - its important. thanx. c u 2nite xxxxx'' hmmm i read it n just burst out cryin in zodiac...the humiliation.  hayley n her knowledge reckon he is just guilt trippin me as usual. i agree. wat the fuck is he gonna talk 2 bell about??? shit!!!

o well im gonna get ready 2 go martins party now

Luv u n leave ya xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[	mood	|	disappointed	]
[	music	|	Busted-3am (yeh yeh sad i no)	]

Hm well last nite was gud n bad all in 1. went dressed in my nightie 4 the fancy dress. v. embarrassin so drank as much absinthe as possible without completely dyin...spend 60 quid cos i just kept goin 2 the bar n orderin 6 shots of blue or nethin strong lol

so i managed 2 completely ignore kaydee YEY 2 ME!! then i fell down the stairs goin from courtyard in2 the cellar...down all the stairs i hav 2 add in a silk short nightie, fishnets n high shoes...cudnt move n thought id broke my back with the pain was in (i still feel pain wen pissd why?????) hannar U SILLY GIRL went n got kaydee cos the wastedness between us meant i was just in a heap unable 2 b moved. altho i just saw him nxt 2 me goin ''come on emma its ok'' then lifted me up n me bein sooo grateful n all told him 2 fuck off n leave me alone lol nice!!

Then proceeded 2 drink the whole contents of the bar. went outside where richard decided 2 spank me n jump on me...hm yeh he's my gay cousin so its ok lol NOT it fukin killed as 4 the 2nd time i fell flat on my back with richard on top of me unable 2 move....unfortunately apart from bein winded we had fallen rite nxt 2 where kaydee was sat n he just turned round n stared (note: he hates richard...sounds familiar lol).

So i got up in the most unladylike fashion n went 2 the bar. cant rememeber nemore events other than wen i walked in2 the toilet i slipped on the floor n fell AGAIN flat on my back n winded...started cryin cos things had started 2 get 2 me...this random nice guy came in the toilet and lifted me off the floor. then i went n sat in the rain outside with chris....i dont no how i didnt die of coldness in the rain, no clothes on, freezin england situation lol

Now iv been told that i then sat nxt 2 the pool table completely fuk faced...while hannar my drunken friend threw up loads lol  then hayley said sumthin n i burst out cryin which pisses me off cos id been happy all nite...im thinkin wat she sed regarded kaydee...i was sooo pissed off with myself 4 lettin him get 2 me...even tho im ova him totally.

cryed constantly cos cudnt hack it all...was mongin on rohan who i dont even recall bein there...along with hayley who wasnt there...i dont care wat the sober ppl say. then i screamed @ rohan about things that appear 2 b in the back of my mind n i didnt even no lol then whilst mongin on rohan kaydee supposidly walked past n asked if i was ok ''does she look ok'' errr well wats wrong? ''oh i wonder wats up kaydee'' *guilty face* then she threw me on him n goes ''emma tell kaydee wats up'' n left...hmmm awkward or wat. cant recall it but i do vaguely remember a while later me n him shoutin @ each other then me cryin while he shouted etc lol

he decided we needed ''to talk'' but wen we were both sober...hmmm I DONT WANNA TALK!!! i just want 2 get rid of ne feelins i hav 4 him n neva see him again...which cud happen sooner rather than later as his 2 best friends r movin...1 to manchester...1 to south africa...n he has 2 decide which 1 2 go with...sounds stupid b il b really upset wen he goes altho itl b gud 4 me not 2 c him.

well im off 2 get ready cos im meetin him @ the cellar @ 8pm IM OVA HIM THO so its ok.

Luv u n leave ya xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

ITS FRIDAY YEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEY!!!!!!!!!

[	mood	|	excited	]
[	music	|	Nightwish - Nemo	]

Hellllllllo

Well im sooo happy @ the minute i cant belive it. I dont think i hav ne particular reason...iv just got rid of the depressed feelin that iv had constantly for the past few months.

Im finally sortin out things in my life. I rang hayley last nite n was sayin how completely ova kaydee i was n she was really happy cos well he's a wanker - she just wishes id seen his bad side sooner. o well. so was in gud gud mood. tidyed my room (interestin) whilst listenin 2 nightwish and was glad i wasnt out cos my body needs a rest and i need 2 save my money.

all was well n gud then...EVEN NOW after we aint hardly talkin he manages 2 guilt trip me. thing is b4 i gave a shit....now i get angry n just wanna kick the shit out of the pathetic bastard. so yeh he txt me out of the blue...to piss me off...cos he knows exactly how 2 do it...

''Hi how r u? hope u had fun on monday after u thought id gone hehe oh well was board so thought id txt ya. i wonder wat else u get upto wen im not around.''

AHH dickhead. No1 he's on bout me thinkin he'd gone then gettin wi belle altho i wud of done neway cos i dont like kaydee ne more and No2 wat the fuck is it 2 him???? so he can hav 5 girls on the go and a girlfriend then parade them infront of me expectin me 2 stay there n be a good little girl....i talk 2 a guy n he walks off....er maybe not. i cud way tell he was bein off with me in the txt...er bothered!!! lol not @ all.

so yeh im gonna c him 2nite cos hez @ the party im @...great stuff...so im gonna get wasted n get with sum guy directly infront of him...sad n pathetic??? DAMN RITE. but i dont care. i no it bothers him now so im gonna play him @ his own game 4 a while n c if he like it.

Well il b off need 2 get ready in my fancy dress

Luv u n leave yaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[	mood	|	flirty	]
[	music	|	Bloodhound Gang	]

Hiii

Wow im in a gud gud mood im totally ova him completely. BRING IT ON!!!

Went vies last nite n it was gudgudgud. I decided cos iv always felt like iv been unable 2 b with ne1 else cos of kaydee so felt gud last nite...was weird cos even tho we werent goin out all of a sudden i feel all free n stuff...extremely sad n gay hehe o well tis the truth. fun was definately had last nite.

went 4 a walk 2 escape vies 4 a bit cos i was way 2 hot. went napier n stocked up on vodka jellys cos altho the whole 2quid 4 all drinks @ vies is k....not as cheap as 1quid for vodka jelly. got a tad bit drunk..saw chris felt stupid n left.

He txt me...then rang me...hmm bit confuzzled bout that 1 cos its ''chris'' my friend who made the whole me n paul thing happen which is weird thinkin of him as nethin more...even tho truth be told i do like him. then again....went back 2 vies n was with belle all nite.

he is the sweetest person eva. a guy who actually cares about ppl. altho im not gonna get 2 involved cos iv figured im a crap judge of character...prev. ppl who ''are so nice'' or in other words absolute dickheads who love themselves..wot? hehe so i aint gonna get serious or nethin...just gonna hav a laugh.

HA me n hannar saw kaydee @ the taxi place n he had left vies @ like 9.30pm cos he was bored hmmm n he was like ''yeh i went back n was watchin n laughin @ u gettin drunk'' hmm i wasnt actually gettin drunk i was just with belle....yikes i felt a bit stupid @ that cos he was obv. laughin @ us. oh well hannar found it funny lol k was.

well yeh sooo belle hmmm dont think im gonna restrict myself 2 belle...friends havin a laugh appeals 2 me with him...cos there r sum other ppl who r like..fuk me how fit r u lol yeh k im in a giddy mood

gonna go now

luv u n leave ya xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[	mood	|	flirty	]
[	music	|	Outcast - Hey ya	]

Yey i had a well gud weekend. Yesterday was really really gud. I got absolutely wasted cos i was drunk by 8pm @ the wedding party...free alcohol...not gud lol

Ppl were buyin me shots of aftershock, jagermeister (how the fuk do u spell that lol) and random flavours...was gud but baaaaad 4 the body. went romeros in attempt 2 feel well but threw up a lot b4 i cud finish them. but still a v.fun nite. altho omg i appeared 2 just b gettin with lots of randoms...well not so much randoms but still....ahhhh then i remember GRANDMA SOAP BOY noooo hehe wat the hell was i thinkin...k i wasnt thinkin...but still..tut tut. excuse is that i was amazingly fuk faced....hm still cant decide whether ben @ the taxi place who i scared by shoutin @ him (not that i actually remember that bit) was fit...hm he kinda was last nite but that cud just b the alcohol talkin.

Awwww richard n damian...im sooo happy 4 him...he deserves 2 find sum1 who cares bout him...he's such a love. hmm he was pointin out my baaad taste in guys till i realised we actually hav the same taste...er kaydee, belle n sum others who i will not name...hm but we aint goin there.

god how fit is small paul n andy AHH i was sat @ the cellar door and @ the end  andy, paul, belle, moth, grandma soap boy n random P.ppl had all sat nxt 2 me makin sure i was consious...well the P.ppl appeared 2 b knockin me unconcious by buyin me shots of crap lol i just wish id hav not been as drunk so i wud of been able 2 keep my eyes open n stare @ the fitness of 4 of them lol (not p.ppl i repeat...hell no lol)

aww jam n chris n the broken skate board lol god i hav soo much junk from nites out 2 ''keep the memories'' clutter my room more like lol well i still hav 20 quid 2 spend 2moz oh yeh....n i dont think i can b assd goin out 2nite....otherwise it will be a case of me drinkin thurs,fri,sat,sun,monday....just 2 much 4 the body 2 hack....yeh im a wuss dont care....iv been hungova for the past 3 days lol

well im goin bed now im fallin asleep

luv u n leave ya xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[	mood	|	drunk	]
[	music	|	Bloodhound Gang	]

Oh yeh how fit is the canadian guy AHHHH. lol wedding turned outr k part from the outfit lol omg they are canadian french = speakin french ahhh how fuckin fit tho he's like tanned gorgeous french/american lol n all his bro does is talk bout shaggin hmmm myb theyb r alike. lol

been drinkin since 5 n feelim a tad bit tipsy. gonna go hollins grove con club and watch sum bands in a bit. need a shower 1st.

hayleyu shud b here n a bit yey

well il b off 2 dinf sum fit canadian guy

luv u n leave ya xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[	mood	|	flirty	]
[	music	|	Linkin Park - With you	]

hm yeh well last nite was eventful 2 say the least. i drank cider out of bliss bottles, danced a little to funeral for a friend/story of the year, saw an ex and cryed, fell over, made my friends cry n wrote about it all on live journal...so 2nite i can do it all ova again....

OR NOT lol im thinkin only hannar will get that ^^^^^ ne way. wat actually happened was even more fun lol

hayley came ova n we drank beer (ew) then we went cellar n i drank the shit that is absinthe as to which im feelin the major effects of this mornin. aaron was there alone and amazingly wasted so we dragged his ass 2 vies along with his sexy builder jacket hehehe ye ok. aww he's in love with an american girl called alice how cute is that lol.

yeh so pud was there shoutin a bit 2 loudly how kaydee was a dickhead...and yeh pud he DID hear u lol o well....i dont care hu hum.

oh god i think im gonna throw (how nice lol)...yeh well oh how cud i forget i was nearly twatted about 10 times n no its not an exaggeration...oh n guess whos fault it was...hm i wonder...dickhead!! there's me mindin my own business n tryin 2 calm him down n he goes fuckin mental startin on every1 he cud see between walkin from vies 2 cellar. he was chasin cars as 2 which 2 stopped n guys got out....i dont actually think iv eva been as scared as standing between kaydee screamin and sum huge townie guy...not gud...n yeh i did cry but i had reason lol u wud if sum1 who i unfortunately care about is smashin evrithin around u, hittin walls n grabbin ppl lookin 4 a fight. about 7 random girls started on him cos i was stood there on my own screamin @ him 2 stop it n they kept goin ''u better stop it u dick...look ur makin ur girlfriend cry'' as 2 which i screamed ''im not his girlfriend im just the fuckin idiot he screws around'' then i proceeded 2 run away but didnt work cos i was wasted n kaydee wasnt as.

had a huge arguement with him again over the fact that i was sick of all the crap n i didnt no y i even bothered. so he cryed, made me feel guilty as, then apologised while i walked away. I REPEAT WALKED AWAY. yey.

hmm well not 4 long cos i ended up outside the foyer cos he was attemptin 2 kick the door down n screamin abuse like an idiot goin ''i fuckin live here u fuckin dickhead let me in u fuckin twat'' well yeh thats gonna work isnt it. then OMG grandma soap boy turned up n seemed 2 know me lol ''oh hi emma(???) ur the 1 i tryed 2 pull the other week'' hm nice 2 know (ew). so turns out he's m8z wi kaydee...typical. then he made me 'sit down n tell him wat was wrong' aww hes actually a really nice guy, bless. hmm then him n kaydee laughed @ the fact that he'd tryed 2 kick the shit out of evri1...god i dont get lads y the fuck r they such tossers. i just wanna meet a NORMAL guy who doesnt twat every1, smell of grandma soap or has just turned 16 lol

well im gonna go now cos i hav 2 go 2 a bloody weddin dressed like a fuckin fairy..well not literally. my mum ''doesnt want me 2 go lookin like im goin 2 u funeral'' so is makin me wear a floaty cream dress with pink flower, a pink jacket and diamante shoes....NOOOO. hell on earth. but i hav 2 go cos otherwise my life seriously wudnt b worth livin cos ''im pushin them 2 far neva goin newhere with them n neva bein @ home'' hmmm ye k. altho im runnin off @ the after party 2 go out like hell im stayin. omg my mum ''there'l b lots of canadian boys there''  oh well lets stay lol not!!!! i dont wanna hang around with prissy canadian boys thanx altho im sure they r lovely n 'normal' as my mum wud say.

ne way now that iv wrote an essay im gonna go dress up like a flower/fairy. i see ne camera flashes n im smashin the bastard camera lol

Luv u n leave ya xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[	mood	|	pissed off	]
[	music	|	Rage against the Machine - Killing in the Name	]

Yey in a very happy mood considerin the fact that iv been called fat 2 many times recently. Work had been busy as hell but pretty fun this week...cos my darlin hannar was there with me. gonna miss her wen she goes back 2 college.

iv been givin the glorius task off my dad 2 find sum1 2 work nxt week on the shopfloor cleanin all the huge machinary. hmmmm i quote ''need sum1 who does mind doin a hard days work n gettin dirty'' well dad if u put it that way lol like hell im gonna find sum1 2 do that mon-fri nxt week 8am-5pm for 150quid. impossible. none of the ppl i no wud wanna do a hard days work like that hehehe sorry ppl but try n deny it.

well gonna go get ready now cos hayley is cumin soon (dont bother turnin that in2 a dirty quote rohan hehe) n we need 2 go out.

Luv u n leave u xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[	mood	|	happy	]
[	music	|	Black box? - Ride on time	]

Hiiiiiii

had gud fun 2nite. me n hailz watched beetroot @ ''the malt wine bar'' so yeh the malt n hops wat?? went cellar which was dead. i drank absinthe and dan took the piss as per usual ''dont b soft uv had more disgustin things in ur mouth..ha ha and i bet uv said that wen u swallowed also'' thanx dan i appreciate u makin the 3 guys around u laugh @ me n think bad things. OOOO they r gonna make the ''jaks crowd'' go cellar on weds instead by holdin ''binge drinkin nites'' and they r even gonna call it that. they'l play house/old skool/dance all sorts of stufff. sounds fun fun fun. n an excuse 2 get wasted durin the week lol

well tis rics birthday 2moz n he is makin me stay awake 2 text him @ exactly 12.01am...god he better luv me 4eva um soooooooooooo tired i can feel my head slowly fallin 2wards the desk. only approx. an HOUR 2 stay awake. i dont think its gonna happen. i best set my alarm now. cos i luv ric he's ace n i need 2 txt him or ''he'; neva talk 2 me again'' ooooo.

well im gonna go bed n set alarm i am fuked n needin sleep sleep sleep

luv u n leave ya xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[	mood	|	exhausted	]
[	music	|	Nightwish - Nemo	]

Hello ppl

I think im gonna go on a holiday 2 prague....fall in love with the place...buy a house n drag all my friends 2 go there 2 live. The ppl, weather etc must b better than here. AND u can get a beer for like less than a quid...v.fun.

Was supposed 2 b goin cinema 2nite but im not in the mood 2 go out ''shock shock horror''. felt like cryin all day 2day @ work even tho i was havin a laugh with hannar. its weird. i cant figure out exactly wat it is thats makin me feel all depressed n crap. but i aint lettin my dickhead of a head spoil the fun. cant wait till the weekend im not gonna drink which means im gonna hav an ace time and not get injured/upset. yey.

oh yeh my nightwish cd came 2day along with my clothes i ordered so im all happy n jolly...bring it on.

Yep so gonna go bed cos im dead

luv u n leave ya xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[	mood	|	confused	]
[	music	|	Three Days Grace - I hate everything about you	]

Well lol got absolutely wasted off absinth (dont no how 1 spell it) last nite n got upset AGAIN. if fukin sick of it. im like ''rite i dont give a shit he can fuck off y shud i get upset over him?'' i go out n hav a really really gud time. he's always there but i dont let it get 2 me. then he'l say sumthin or do sumthin n it just gets 2 much n i cry n cry cos i cant figure a way out of it. well i hav now im actually gonna pretend like he doesnt exist. i did last nite n he was like ''wats up'' AHH dick...lets think myb cos ur sat with 3 of ur ex-girlfriends n r quite obv shaggin kerry still. lol he is the most stupid person eva...well apart from me 4 eva gettin involved with such an absolute TWAT.

Yeh so neva mention his name...he doesnt exist in my mind. im not givin him the satisfaction of watchin me fall apart cos of him.

Yehhhh im feelin all positive now. Kaydee who?????????

Luv u n leave ya xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[	mood	|	crushed	]
[	music	|	Linkin Park - Pushing Me Away	]

THE DAY U SLIPPED AWAY..............AHHHH I CNAT DO IT NEMOR...I WANA DIE. I HATE HIM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH HE HAS CRUSHED MY HEART INTO A MLLION PIECES AND NO-ONE CAN MEND IT.  I NEED 2 DISAPPEAR. IM IN LOV4E WITH HIM BUT TIS ALL FUCKED UP. I NEED 2 HURT YSELF OR HIM...IT LLOKS LIKE MYSELF.

MY DARLIN FRIEND I NEED U N UR NOT THERE NEMORE. I  MISS U...IN HOPE U CAN HEAR ME. GOTTA FO...GONN A GO AWAY COS EVERYWHERRE I LOOK HID GIRLFRIEND OR EX IDS THERE

I CANT TAKE I!!!!!!!!!!!!! DOW AR IF IM NOT MAKIN SFCNEST I KATE MISS  YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTE

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[	mood	|	numb	]
[	music	|	Linkin Park - Crawlin	]

K tis my 18th on october 28th n i figured i need 2 book things in advance. cudnt decide wat 2 do. im thinkin im gonna hav a party upstairs in napier n hire a DJ.

Gud DJ needed...let me know ne gud ones that dont charge rip off prices pleeeeease

hmmm well the parents r payin 4 it all and itz gonna b a very gud nite...im determined to have a laugh.

Yeh so im gonna go think of ppl 2 invite now

Luv u n leave ya xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[	mood	|	depressed	]
[	music	|	Evanescence - Everybody's Fool	]

NOOOOOOO

was all happy. went cellar had fun with hannar n haylosh the gaylosh. chatted bout last nite. laughed a lot. supposidly @ 1 point i was sat on the wall outside n cudnt get up n was fallin asleep like a gay ass n had 2 sumthin like put my legs round hayley while she dragged me off the wall...and suprisingly ppl were laughin @ the whole scene. and i also shouted @ hayley n she got scared hehe cos i quote ''im shoutin @ u cos i want 2 shout @ kd but he's not here...sorry if i hit u'' hmm cant recall sayin that but sounds bout rite. sorry.

talkin of that DICKHEAD. aww the lovely kate was @ the cellar n we were discussin my birthday plans n sum how kd's name was brought up n she was goin on bout how she hated him cos of wat he did 2 her best friend. i think hayley realised that the conversation shud end there but kate doesnt no the situation so told me the whole story. hmm i felt like standin up throwin the table across the room n twattin the shit out of him. but i didnt i sat there n said ''aww thats well crap. wat a bastard'' hm.

i realised last nite that im startin 2 not like him as much...but wen ur in a fuked up situation n then it gets gradually worse cos u find out more n more crap. AHHHH. well i think its impossible 4 him 2 do nethin else 2 create a worse time rite now.  but i thought that b4. basically while he was cheatin on his pregnant girlfriend with me (i didnt no she existed) he was also with bloody mandy. but even tho that happened id b kinda ok with it cos he's not with that girl nemore n mandy n him dont talk but last saturday i saw him n mandy lookin all cosy n got angry. but was persuaded that they were just talkin n werent even like friends. HA bullshit i now realise. i dont care tho. now iv got that anger out im ok. i just..............oh fuck this iv had enough. im gonna sort this out 2morrow. he can go 2 hell. im gonna tell him exactly wat i think...I HATE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want him 2 disappear but he's always gonna b there. it looks like its gonna hav 2 b me who disappears.

Luv u n leave ya xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[	mood	|	rejected	]
[	music	|	Linkin Park - Crawlin	]

Last nite was the best nite iv had in a long time. Actually the best weekend in ages minus the fact that my lil friendship group appears 2 be fallin apart cos ppl lie basically. its hard wen a number of ppl close 2 u r tellin u diff things and u wanna believe them all but its impossible cos one of them is obv. lyin. Then they get pissd off that u dont automatically believe them. Ahhh honesty is the best policy ppl. if they r pissin u off tell them.Please!!!!!!! for all our sakes lol

Hmm drank fuck loads last nite n bought ppl drinks....ewww i was forced 2 drink aftershock NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Poison i tell u...poison. still came home with 20 quid cos im an angel n dont spend all my money.

Im gettin worried...i appear 2 b startin 2 fancy sum ppl that i really shudnt be fancyin...god damn it. example 2 of the ppl i was like...hmm nice guy 2 possibly say hi 2 on occasions...then all of a sudden im like....ok then why the fuck is he fit all of a sudden...cud b the alcohol...but even wen sober AHH oh well. they all appear 2 hav ''ties'' with certain ppl im close 2 (hard 2 explain as i refuse 2 eva disclose names lol).

OMG some ppl last nite r lucky i didnt ram a broken bottle up there ass. fuckin wankers. nxt time i c them they say ONE thing 2 me and im actually gonna smack them. iv all of a sudden got kinda violent...i can usually just shout n scream 4 england n make ppl fuck off but now i actually hav 2 smack sumthin/one wen i shout...not v.gud lol

awww hannah got upset which made me angry cos i wanted 2 kick the shit out of the bastard that  made her cry. i feel really contradictive wen i tell her not 2 cry ova a guy cos i really cant talk. sumtimes i think they actually dont have ne emotions...(hm well i no a few guys like that..hmm hannah take note).

well came home last nite...was supposed 2 b goin rowans but needed my bed v.desperately. walked in 2 find ppl from my mums party in every bedroom NOT IMPRESSED. collapsed on sofa. am sat here now in excactly same clothes as last nite, bag still on, jacket still on lol. need 2 go have a shower cos i can smell fags n alcohol n its knockin me sick lol

goin cellar now so il luv ya n leave ya xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

''i put my trust in you pushed as far as i can go...for all this there's only 1 thing u shud no.''

[	mood	|	crazy	]
[	music	|	System of a Down - Cubert	]

HIIIIIIIIIIII

Yey last nite was well gud. Had a proper laugh n was v.happy.

Got tipsy (hm) b4 i went out on cider which does taste of sick..end of. But it gets me wasted so i dont care. Question: Is it just wrong 2 fancy your gay friend who's goin out with another 1 of your gay friends who is my gay cousins ex????? ahhh they r all gay literally which i hav no prob with cos i love them all...but slight issue when u actually FANCY THEM!!!!

AHHH so unfair. oh my fukin god. stephs (my 13year old sister) msn name just came up and il quote it says ''quitin smokin...yeh i aint a fag face n more lol now im just a piss head lol'' WTF??????????????

Hate to hav 2 point this out but that shud b my name...er she doesnt smoke accordin 2 her and shouted @ me wen she saw me with 1 then lectured me that i drank 2 much....well it cud b down 2 the low life skanky townies she hangs around with. little shit heads i mite hav 2 hurt them...a lot lol

yeh so was quite drunk last nite..danced a lot 2 v.gud songs...drank more alcohol...danced etc

hmmm all was well n unconfusin for once...till i went cellar later on. i danced on my own in the middle of the room 2 bon jovi-its my life...spent all the remainder of my money, was faced with bein in the same room as a group of wankers that piss me off greatly...and then i did the dreaded thing of seein paul n chris *brain shrivels n screws up in2 a mass of confusion* lol wellll got with paul again which pissd me off when i woke up this mornin cos in my soberness i realised that yes i did still fancy the pants off him and yes he is soooo nice n better than a certain other sum1....BUT (god damn it why does there have 2 be a but) im not sure i wanna go down that alley again....i cant get all screwed up in the past again...and i still feel weird wen around both paul n chris which is crap. friends is all i can actually hack with paul. hmmm. dont think last nite helped me explainin that one lol god im fukin stupid.

well yeh was on the hardcore alcohol that is WKD last nite...hm...il hang my head in shame now and say that i did throw up a lot and it doesnt agree with me. i can stomach beer/cider a lot better. it just actually makes my feel like iv drunk the sea and that my stomach is about 2 explode. yeh so babbled on bout crap and meaningless info so im gonna leave. oh god how cud i forget. had my hair permantley done red underneath and nxt week im havin it all done red...ah i will be blonde no more...sick of bein blonde it bores me greatly. that is unless i actually decide that i look a bigger state with red hair.

C u all 2nite....hopefully ul all b wasted....more fun then lol

Luv u n leave ya xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx